Transitions: What The Hell Am I Doing?

This space has been pretty quiet this year. Usually when the blog faces a few weeks/months of white-noise I feel compelled to write a long post excusing why I haven’t written and then follow up with excessive detail on what I’ve been up to… Not this time. I just didn’t feel like writing, and I am sooooooo okay with that!

My position or role as a creative has changed excessively and frequently over the past year. These changes involved a marketing assistanceship, graphic design internship, and now my first full time job as a graphic designer, woohoo! I’ve also moved twice to my hometown and back to Kalamazoo in the course of 2 months. Basically, I have been all over the place facing transition after transition. I’m starting to feel settled again which brought me back here.

I’m at an incredibly interesting time in my career as a creative because I have been dedicating my time to understanding my niche, purpose, or what I truly want to create. A lot of that time left me scratching my head in a cocktail of frustration and confusion, but I recently learned to embrace the factor of life that is change and not having a definitive answer for what I’d like to create. I have been knocking myself out creating too many internal expectations of what I’d like to be as a creator: write a book, start a digital magazine, expand my design studio, takeover the advertising industry, and the list goes onnnnnn and on. 

I feel that I have reached place in life with powerful potential. I am in a very comfortable working situation, I am living on my own for the first time, and I have been the most comfortable in my life not having everything figured out. I’ve never been more comfortable sitting on the sidelines, playing a little less aggressively, and enjoying a slower pace of life that allows me to figure out what the next steps are, gracefully. The lack of answers and finding solace in that has delivered it’s own special form of clarity that I think has been what I have been looking for so passionately.

No, this does not mean I have it figured out by any means. I think I am just embracing being present in the journey much more than I did a year ago. I contribute much of that to cultivating a meaningful support system and distancing myself from the people in my life who thrive on cynicism and sarcasm. I was tired of living with a perma-eyeroll. I was tired of feeling guilty if I left my Instagram dry for more than a week…(Haven’t posted in two months, and it feels good.) I just feel way more comfortable than I ever did, just simply existing. That is where I believe true and authentic discovery lies.


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